A Paler Shade Of Perfect
by Starbucks1864
Summary: Because happy endings are hard to come by.
1. Chapter 1

**Nope don't own Bones! This is my first story for this show, and suggestions would be great! Thanks!**

OXOXOX

Booth, had never liked flying. To far off the ground. To far to fall, to much to lose. But a year is a long, long time. 365 days alone. 10 541 200 breaths of second guessing every second, every step, every move. Was this the right choice? Booth doesn't know either.

566 gunshots. 566 bodies. 566 bullets. 566 families who are missing a brother, a sister, a mother, a father an uncle, a son, a forensic anthropologist with the bluest eyes in the world. But… _No! don't think about that. She is safe, she is happy, she is absolutely sure that this is what she wanted. That this is what she still wants. _But is it? Brennan doesn't know either.

But Booth is going home. He is going to see her again. He is going to stop being afraid. He is going to duck every time he hears an engine backfire. He is going to see their faces every time he closes his eyes. He is going to cry himself to sleep like seven-year old. But he is _not _afraid. _Can you hear the lies that whisper behind his words? _Booth can.

There are fourteen minutes left until his flight takes off. Booth counts them. 1...2...3...4...5...6 Numbers are good. Numbers are solid. No matter how well and truly his world falls apart 6 will always come after five, and 7 will always come before eight. "Final boarding call for flight 248 headed for Washington DC…" He gets up walks through the plane takes his seat beside a girl with red hair who can't be more than fifteen. He sits down and she shrinks away. _Do I look like a killer? _He wonders. No. She is only reaching for her book.

The plane is so cold, and its raining rose petals that turn to blood, and there is blood _everywhere_ and people are screaming but he is _not _afraid… "Sir, sir, can I get you something to drink?" Booth wakes up with a start. "No. No thank you." So he sits there and thinks about everything that he lost. Bones, Cam, Hodgins, Angela, Zach, Jared, Sweets. And he knows that he will spend the rest of his life trying to even out that cosmic balance that was never _really _real, until now.

"_We will be landing in Washington DC in approximately half an hour. If you are continuing on to Canada please remain in your seats, if you will be getting off in Washington please ensure you have all you personal belongings and then exit the plane through the door closest to you. Thank you and enjoy the remainder of your flight."_

Booth thinks, for a minute, about staying on the plane, flying to Canada, starting a new life where nobody knows and nobody _cares._ But he won't, because he has never been one to run away. _But isn't that exactly what you did? _A voice whispers from the back of his mind. But its not real if he doesn't acknowledge it, so he put on his headphones and turns the music to full blast.

"…_Please stay in you seats until the captian has turned the seatbelt sign off. Thank you and welcome home." _Home. Booth is home. He wonders if Bones is waiting. She promised that she would wait, but a year is a long time. Long enough to forget, to move on, to fall in love… But he trusts her. She _will_ be waiting. She promised. Can you see the fear that hides behind his memories? _Booth can't. Bones can. _

He reaches up and snatches his carry on from the overhead rack. He didn't check any luggage. He left everything on the battlefield. Except the nightmares.

He strolls through the airport, searching the faces for one that he recognizes, for a memory, for a head of golden brown hair. And a woman turns around, and he thinks he sees her but _wait, no. _To short, brown eyes, not blue. And then the world explodes around him in a thousand diamond shards of brilliant light, and he is thrown back into a desk, and there are flames _everywhere. _And he can't see, and he can't think, and he can't _breathe. "Wake up Booth, wake up Booth WAKE UP!" _But he doesn't, this is not a nightmare, this is terrifyingly, heartbreakingly _real. _He sends up a prayer to a god he lost faith in 10 541 200 breathes ago. _"Save me." _and when god is stonily silent, he whispers a quiet plea to a woman working in a white lab coat in a silent lab far away. "Find me, forget me," and in those final seconds before everything goes black, he is so very, very glad she didn't wait.

" _Do you believe in fate?" _

_Not anymore._

_OXOXOX _

_**Ok! So this is the only time I will ask for reviews, but I would love to know that someone is reading this! So tell me your thoughts, suggestions, and what you think and I will update as soon as possible! **_

_**Thanks for reading!**_


	2. Chapter 2

Okay I know it's been awhile! But before we begin a huge thank you to CharlieWise, EmLovesYou, I-M-BLUE, SouthunLady (I hope this is clearer for you!), Monk'ichii, .attack, and PercyzBookworm. Thank you so much for the encouragement and suggestions!

Also, yes I changed the title, I don't know, it was bothering me! Sorry for you guys who liked it!

Disclaimer: Pftt! I wish! (so no, not mine)

XOXOXOX

Brennan had never liked being stuck in traffic. She leans on the horn adding one more note to the song that soars around her. She dials Booth's number. It had been nearly a year, but her fingers still remember. (but she tries not to think about that.)

He doesn't pick up and she tries not to worry. He promised he would be safe and that he would not play anyone else's hero but hers, because she loves him and she needs him and she would die without him. (but she'll never tell him what's in her heart.)

She calls again and again and it goes straight to voice mail every time, but she is not afraid because he _promised_ that he would come back, and he _loves _her (in an 'atta girl kind of way.)

And she loves him too. (But she'd never tell him that, because everyone she loves leaves her and she is just one of those people who is not supposed to be part of a family.)

And she drives faster than she means too, and the world is louder than she remembers, and she misses him more than she expected, but there is a logical explanation for everything, even this (But Booth just wishes she would stop _looking _so hard.)

And she doesn't notice when she runs a red light and she turns the radio up as high as it will go to drown out the 'what if's' that swirl through her head. (What if she loves him, what if he's forgotten her? )

And so she drives with the windows open, and the radio so loud that she can't hear herself think. (But that's the point, isn't it?)

And she tries to forget them, Russ and Daddy and Booth and all the bones back at the Jeffersonian that she can't save because she is _five hundred years to late. But Booth isn't dead and neither is she, (but a heart can only be broken so many times before it can't be fixed anymore.) _

_And she pulls into the airport parking lot just in time to watch her world go up in flames. (because she is always to late.) _

"_Do you belive in fate?" _

"_For a minute there, you almost had me convinced." _

_XOXOX_

_Thanks for reading! _


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